Chinese Spies Want Them! You know you do too!

Ellen,

Ah, so much has happened while you were on vacation this summer. And by vacation I mean, living it up on SYTYCD. Back injury my bootie. Pssssh.

Vanessa Zamarripa decided to go "elite" which is the highest level in gymnastics, the one that lets you qualify to the Olympics. And not only did she make it to the National Championship, but she made vault finals and made the National Team. She did this after working on elite routines for only a couple of months. And, she did a secret vault, the "Cheng" that has never been competed by any other American gymnast! Ever! I mean, she's basically a total badass Ellen. Witness below: 

Are you ready for the scandalous part? I thought you would be. So, Miss Val got a call from China. The Chinese press wanted to know how long Zam had been working on her "Cheng" vault. You see Ellen, the current Olympic vault bronze medalist is the originator of the vault, China's Cheng Fei. Zam is so awesome she has practically caused an international incident! Fascinating interview material for a talk show if you ask me.

And then the afterglow...

This totally reminds me of the kind of thing you would do on the show. If you were giving away a new car or some prize, you would totally do the glowey sparkle stars thing. Come on...you can admit it.

And of course, Miss Val with Anna and her boyfriend Sean (of tribute video fame). 

And last but not least, the obligatory, photo with the pilot. I mean, we alllll have one of these right?

Champs!

Ellen,
Need I say more?

Ok, this is getting ridiculous Ellen

Another 10! Anna got a 10 on bars again! And it was at Regionals. They are so MONEY Ellen. You can always count on your audience to dance crazy, just like you can always count on Anna Li to hit!

First Step Towards World Domination

So Ellen,
The first "round" of nationals is the regional championships. You have to be one of the top two teams to qualify to Nationals. So um...yeah...how do you think our favorite team did? They killed it. Per the usual. Was there ever any doubt?

Just like the people on this flight knew that it would be the best flight of their lives! The UCLA team flew to victory!

Another 10? Yes, way.

Ellen,

Un-be-lievable right? Two 10's in one season? Does UCLA have superstar champions who would be awesome tv show written all over them or what? 

Pac 10 Champs!

Yo Yo Yo Ellen!
Do you see how this team totally dominates?  Just like your show does? Yeahhhh, they are the PAC 10 Champs.

Perfect 10

So Ellen,

Remember Nadia and her perfect 10? Well, UCLA makes them too. And not on something easy like Floor. Puhhhh-lease, oh no, Elyse Hopfner-Hibbs (AKA "Hoppy") got a 10 on beam. You know beam, as in the famous drinking game, "every time they say it's only 4 inches wide, everybody drink!"  

She's is one baaaaaaaad.....little Canadian.

Dance Movie Montage of Our Favorite Gymnasts = luuuuv

Ellen,
I know, I know. I am a terrible fan. I have neglected you and the the blog. But now I am BACK! SO much happened. I will catch you up. But first, let's take a moment to appreciate one of the best montages, from one of the best montage makers in the gymnastiverse, Spanny's Big Fake Smile (I know, what's not to love after hearing that nickname right?)

Even Oscar Nominated Actors Love The Bruins

Ellen,

I know you are busy taking over the world right now, but you should really check out a meet. Even Michael Clarke Duncan came to the last meet.

Did you know that he was in Kung Fu Panda, my all time favorite movie? That makes me love him even more. Apparently, he is a big animal lover and has several kitty cats. You should have him on the show.

So, seriously, Ellen, the tickets are on me. Come to the meet on Sunday!

Don't take it from me,

Take it from him...


Are you in love with this kid yet?

Winna winna chicken dinna!

Hi Ellen,

UCLA won again tonight. They are ranked first in the nation. I think you should have them on now, in the beginning of the season. This way, when they win NCAA's (because they are gonna!), you can say that you predicted it all along. You can say,"Why yes, of course that's why they were guests on the show back in January. I recognized their brilliance right away. I am a judge on American Idol after all," you will tell a rapt audience who have just finished the longest standing ovation in Ellen history.  It's super important to predict the future if you are going to be a world dominator. Just so you know.

Also, can you have Mark Wahlberg on more often because I thoroughly enjoy him. That is all.

Emote - totally normal sports word

Ellen!
What's shakin'? Have you been wondering why the UCLA routines are so different and artistic compared to what you have seen on tv? This Fox Sports West story shows video of Miss Val  narrating the story of Anna Li's routine as she does it. I love this kind of behind the scenes stuff! Don't you?

Ellen, Oprah and The Team

Dear Ellen,
Do you know who loves to read Oprah as much as you? That's right, the UCLA gymnastics team. Check it out.

Alum Jordan Schwikert (currently a gymnast on the show Make It Or Break It) and her cute friend chillin' with you and Oprah at practice.

Warming up with an Ellen cover nearby always gets the nerves out.

Did you know it's even better upside down?

I happen to know that Miss Kaelie Baer (right side up) watches your show every single day!

Anna and Aisha have this conditioning thing down to a science. Everything goes faster with an Ellen-adorned copy of Oprah to read.

Eye of the Tiger Elf?

Hey Ellen,
You know how you have Big Booty, the one who loves the holidays and gives your gifts? Well, the team has their own little Christmas elf from the Great White North. UCLA's very own, Christmas-obsessed, 2008 Olympian and first Canadian woman ever to earn a World Championship medal: Elyse Hopfner-Hibbs.  She won the all-around at the meet on Saturday and she can fly.

Peter Pan eat your heart out.

Don't let her small stature fool you. Can you see the Eye of the Tiger here? Who makes eye contact like that in gymnastics? Nobody, Ellen. Nobody! Except for Miss Elyse. She's looking right at you for crying out loud!

And homegirl can DANCE! Can't you see her doing this routine on your show? She would soooooo bring the house down.

The Dragon Warrior

Dear Ellen,
I can't even describe this floor routine to you. You have to see it in person. Come to the next home meet on Sunday, January 31st at 2:00. But I can post a picture of this dude who got the full experience.

This routine makes me cry every time.

And finally, the real thing. There aren't enough words or pictures to describe it. I hope you get to see it live someday.

Number One!

Hi Ellen,
I hope you had a nice break. I like World Domination as a goal. Why aim low, you know? That's why I am sure that the UCLA gymnastics team would be perfect on your show. Don't you think?  By the way, how much do you love what Virgin Airlines did with Operation Chihuahua?

The team had a good break and came back with a vengeance. They are ranked No. 1 and they beat the team who edged them out in a rarely used tie breaker at nationals last year. Aren't they stunning?

Doctors Need Stunt Doubles Too

Dear Ellen,
I liked your chat with Zach Braff from Scrubs. You know, he probably has to do a lot of stunts for Scrubs. But he probably uses a stunt double since he had a back injury like you did. Speaking of stunt doubles, many UCLA gymnasts have gone on to be stunt people. My personal favorite is Heidi Moneymaker. She has been in eeeeeeeeeverything. No seriously, 50-ish movies and/or tv shows in the last ten years. That has to be a record.

So, she would probably make a great guest. Better yet, she'd make a good flying-flipping-super-hero guest who flies over heads of your audience. Here is some of her current work:



And some of her gymnastics work:

Even J.Lo. Falls

Dear Ellen,
I'm glad Jennifer Lopez has a sense of humor about her fall.



I know this might shock you to find out, but even the UCLA gymnasts fall, sometimes. Maybe you should have them on to show their blooper reels and then perform the skills live. Audiences love pressure situations like that. This one is of Talia when she was just a wee thing.

Pushups for Puppies

Dear Ellen,

The show was great today and everything, but I really can't focus on that because you showed the clip of Kellan Lutz.

Can we just talk about Kellan Lutz for a minute? I vote that you have him stop by on a regular basis to do exercises....or just stand there...or take his shirt off...pants...whatever. I think it would be an even better idea to have a pushup contest between him and the UCLA gymnastics team. They would beat him of course but that's ok because it would make him want to come back for a rematch. They could do it for charity - Pushups for Puppies, huh, huh? You love it! I know you love it Ellen. Come on!